Eufaula Players

There are two ways to pronounce Eufaula. 

1. The "You're not from around here" version: Eufaula- (You-fall-ah)

2. The local "Eufaulian" version" Eufaula- (Yew-fawl-eh)

The people that I interact with during the week tend to fall into the second category and consequently will be mention frequently. These are the Eufaula Players...

1. "Miss" Terri: Only in the South will you find a grown, married woman being referred to as "Miss". Miss Terri owns Blue Moon Coffee Shop/Cyber Cafe and is the only person who spends more time here than I do. I am eternally grateful to Terri for having the guts to open Blue Moon despite her claim that she had "absolutely no idea what she was doing". She gets a lot of help and support from her husband Hubert and son Bobby. If Hubert were an action figure his only accessory would be a stainless steel travel coffee mug. I've never see him fill it up so I can't say for sure what he's drinking, but I just get that feeling that it's not coffee. Bobby is Terri's youngest son, he has Down Syndrome and is only in the coffee shop early in the morning and mid-afternoon since he goes to a special school for adults during the day. He keeps my afternoons interesting by calling me his "Buttercup" and then asking me if I'm pregnant. 

2. The Cooper Gang: This is the group of men that Nick works with. We often run into them during lunch at one of the 2 or 3 good restaurants in town. There's Bruce, who is in a wheelchair and is probably the nicest person I've ever met. He could even talk trash about the UT football team and I would still like him.  Then there's John and Alfredo, or as I call them, Tweedle-nerd and Tweedle-nerdier. They are super smart over-achievers who love to work and when they aren't working (i.e. lunch) they like to talk about work, they probably even sleep in little Cooper PJ's so they can dream about work. They might be the only people in the world who look forward to Monday more than Friday. Next is "Mustache Mike", he rides a motorcycle and has a large mustache, and that's all I know about him because every time he speaks I start daydreaming about the walrus from Alice in Wonderland. Last is Scott, who in what I can only guess was an attempt to impress me, told me he has a motorcycle, a truck, a camper, a boat and "Small Man Syndrome". 

3. Various Coffee Shop "Regulars": There are a few people who hang out in the coffee shop enough to notice me and strike up a conversation, usually leading to an IEE (Interesting Eufaula Encounter). John is a 41 year old architect with a degree from Harvard, he is Terri's cousin and the only local I've met who falls into Category 1. We instantly had a bond when we pulled out our matching black Mac laptops, not because we had the same computer, but because we were the only people in town who knew how to use a Mac. Sadly, he will be moving to Pennsylvania soon, effectively leaving me with no one who can "feel my pain" about living in Eufaula. Ronnie and Ed are morning regulars and are the only people that ask me if I've "found a job yet" more than my mother. Yolanda, Ashley and Amber are the three main girls that work at Blue Moon during the day. Yolanda can best be described as "sassy" and the type of woman who doesn't take s*** from anyone. One time I heard Bobby tell her that she had a "big butt" to which she responded "Shut up Bobby, you're fatter than I am" to which he responded "I'm a MAN, I'm a FAT MAN!" Ashley is a sweet 19 year old who just had a baby and has that crazed "I-haven't-slept-in-a-week" look that makes me avoid making eye-contact with her. Amber is a very sharp and cute 20 year old who is more suited for "city life" (as the locals call it). I'm secretly scheming to convince her to move to Austin. 

4. Mayor Jaxon: As the title implies, Mayor Jaxon is the Mayor of Eufaula, and he was recently re-elected for his 6th or so term. I met the Mayor, at the advice of coffee shop John, about a month ago. We chatted about how I ended up in Eufaula, the town, the locals, and my chances of finding a job (slim). When he was looking over my resume he noticed that my address was in Columbus instead of Eufaula and the following conversation ensued... 

Mayor: "You moved here from Columbus?" 

Me: "No sir, I moved to Columbus from Austin and that is where I currently live." 

Mayor: "Are you planning to move to Eufaula in the future?"

Me: "(mentally calculating the cost of breaking my 12 month lease and losing my $700 security deposit while having a slight panic attack at the though of living in Eufaula) "Umm I'm not sure." 

Mayor: *removes glasses, places hands on desk and makes direct eye-contact with me* "You know you really should move here, we could really use people like you." 

At which point I break into a cold sweat and look around the room to make sure I'm still in the Mayor's office and not in the Army recruiting office. I tell him that I'll think about it and I leave his office feeling more like I just left the Principals office than the Mayor's. Since that first meeting I have run into the Mayor at Blue Moon, the Chamber of Commerce, local restaurants and of course Wal-Mart and he always asks me when I'm moving to Eufaula. 

5. "Billy-Jim" and "Geraldine-Mae": I'm not sure why I gave these two nicknames to hide their true identity. The chances of them actually ever reading my blog are about as high as the Mayor convincing me to move to Eufaula. Anyway, these two are married and work at the Humane Society that I volunteer at. From what I can tell they spend more time interacting with animals than humans, which tends to make my visits very interesting.  I can tell that Geraldine-Mae truly has a passion for animals and enjoys her work greatly. Billy-Jim is another story. The very first time I went to volunteer I asked him if he had a favorite dog at the Humane Society, to which he responded, "I hate them all". He then pulled his cigarette away from his mouth long enough to smile at me, which was either because he just made a joke (in which case I don't get Hillbilly humor) or because he saw the look of horror on my face and was trying to reassure me that he doesn't actually hate puppies. Charming.