Eufaula Players

There are two ways to pronounce Eufaula. 

1. The "You're not from around here" version: Eufaula- (You-fall-ah)

2. The local "Eufaulian" version" Eufaula- (Yew-fawl-eh)

The people that I interact with during the week tend to fall into the second category and consequently will be mention frequently. These are the Eufaula Players...

1. "Miss" Terri: Only in the South will you find a grown, married woman being referred to as "Miss". Miss Terri owns Blue Moon Coffee Shop/Cyber Cafe and is the only person who spends more time here than I do. I am eternally grateful to Terri for having the guts to open Blue Moon despite her claim that she had "absolutely no idea what she was doing". She gets a lot of help and support from her husband Hubert and son Bobby. If Hubert were an action figure his only accessory would be a stainless steel travel coffee mug. I've never see him fill it up so I can't say for sure what he's drinking, but I just get that feeling that it's not coffee. Bobby is Terri's youngest son, he has Down Syndrome and is only in the coffee shop early in the morning and mid-afternoon since he goes to a special school for adults during the day. He keeps my afternoons interesting by calling me his "Buttercup" and then asking me if I'm pregnant. 

2. The Cooper Gang: This is the group of men that Nick works with. We often run into them during lunch at one of the 2 or 3 good restaurants in town. There's Bruce, who is in a wheelchair and is probably the nicest person I've ever met. He could even talk trash about the UT football team and I would still like him.  Then there's John and Alfredo, or as I call them, Tweedle-nerd and Tweedle-nerdier. They are super smart over-achievers who love to work and when they aren't working (i.e. lunch) they like to talk about work, they probably even sleep in little Cooper PJ's so they can dream about work. They might be the only people in the world who look forward to Monday more than Friday. Next is "Mustache Mike", he rides a motorcycle and has a large mustache, and that's all I know about him because every time he speaks I start daydreaming about the walrus from Alice in Wonderland. Last is Scott, who in what I can only guess was an attempt to impress me, told me he has a motorcycle, a truck, a camper, a boat and "Small Man Syndrome". 

3. Various Coffee Shop "Regulars": There are a few people who hang out in the coffee shop enough to notice me and strike up a conversation, usually leading to an IEE (Interesting Eufaula Encounter). John is a 41 year old architect with a degree from Harvard, he is Terri's cousin and the only local I've met who falls into Category 1. We instantly had a bond when we pulled out our matching black Mac laptops, not because we had the same computer, but because we were the only people in town who knew how to use a Mac. Sadly, he will be moving to Pennsylvania soon, effectively leaving me with no one who can "feel my pain" about living in Eufaula. Ronnie and Ed are morning regulars and are the only people that ask me if I've "found a job yet" more than my mother. Yolanda, Ashley and Amber are the three main girls that work at Blue Moon during the day. Yolanda can best be described as "sassy" and the type of woman who doesn't take s*** from anyone. One time I heard Bobby tell her that she had a "big butt" to which she responded "Shut up Bobby, you're fatter than I am" to which he responded "I'm a MAN, I'm a FAT MAN!" Ashley is a sweet 19 year old who just had a baby and has that crazed "I-haven't-slept-in-a-week" look that makes me avoid making eye-contact with her. Amber is a very sharp and cute 20 year old who is more suited for "city life" (as the locals call it). I'm secretly scheming to convince her to move to Austin. 

4. Mayor Jaxon: As the title implies, Mayor Jaxon is the Mayor of Eufaula, and he was recently re-elected for his 6th or so term. I met the Mayor, at the advice of coffee shop John, about a month ago. We chatted about how I ended up in Eufaula, the town, the locals, and my chances of finding a job (slim). When he was looking over my resume he noticed that my address was in Columbus instead of Eufaula and the following conversation ensued... 

Mayor: "You moved here from Columbus?" 

Me: "No sir, I moved to Columbus from Austin and that is where I currently live." 

Mayor: "Are you planning to move to Eufaula in the future?"

Me: "(mentally calculating the cost of breaking my 12 month lease and losing my $700 security deposit while having a slight panic attack at the though of living in Eufaula) "Umm I'm not sure." 

Mayor: *removes glasses, places hands on desk and makes direct eye-contact with me* "You know you really should move here, we could really use people like you." 

At which point I break into a cold sweat and look around the room to make sure I'm still in the Mayor's office and not in the Army recruiting office. I tell him that I'll think about it and I leave his office feeling more like I just left the Principals office than the Mayor's. Since that first meeting I have run into the Mayor at Blue Moon, the Chamber of Commerce, local restaurants and of course Wal-Mart and he always asks me when I'm moving to Eufaula. 

5. "Billy-Jim" and "Geraldine-Mae": I'm not sure why I gave these two nicknames to hide their true identity. The chances of them actually ever reading my blog are about as high as the Mayor convincing me to move to Eufaula. Anyway, these two are married and work at the Humane Society that I volunteer at. From what I can tell they spend more time interacting with animals than humans, which tends to make my visits very interesting.  I can tell that Geraldine-Mae truly has a passion for animals and enjoys her work greatly. Billy-Jim is another story. The very first time I went to volunteer I asked him if he had a favorite dog at the Humane Society, to which he responded, "I hate them all". He then pulled his cigarette away from his mouth long enough to smile at me, which was either because he just made a joke (in which case I don't get Hillbilly humor) or because he saw the look of horror on my face and was trying to reassure me that he doesn't actually hate puppies. Charming. 

How To Pass Time In Eufaula

Being Unemployed and forced to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week in a small town with absolutely no form of entertainment forces one to become quite creative (don't confuse"creative" with "desperate"). Fortunately, I have found a few places where I can hang out and pass the time. The following places are the only things that keep me from finding a remote, shaded place where I can park my car and take a nap. 

1. Blue Moon Coffee Shop/Cyber Cafe: This is where I spend 90% of my time. If this little sanctuary didn't exist then I would quite possibly be writing this at the local Arby's, which for some reason or another, is the only other place in town with free wireless. My worst nightmare is if Blue Moon had to close down. I can see myself sitting in my car in the back of the Arby's parking lot trying to steal wireless because the thought of eating another Roast Beef Sandwich makes me want to vomit before lapsing into a saturated fat induced coma. Blue Moon is my home away from home and without it I would probably attempt to enroll in the local High School and join the soccer team. 

2. The Humane Society: Not only is this animal shelter located 10 miles down a country road in a black hole for cell phone reception, but it is right next to the dump. Despite its obvious appeal I find myself driving out there at least once a week to volunteer. I like to think that it brings me good karma that hopefully negates some of the thoughts about Eufaula that swirl around in my head. It is run by a young married couple whose real names I have lovingly run through the "Hillbilly name generator". They will now go by "Billy-Jim" and "Geraldine-Mae". These are very sweet and simple people that love animals almost as much as they love their Marlboros. I found a tick on one of the dogs the other day and then watched in amazement as Billy-Jim pulled the tick off the dog, set the tick on the porch, take a long draw from his cigarette, and then used the tick as an ash tray. I'm hoping my next visit will also involve creative cigarette use so I can compile a list of "Top Ten Interesting Things To Do With Your Cigarette Besides Smoking It".

3. The Laundromat: The one thing our luxury apartment lacks is a washing machine and a dryer. So once a week I gather up all the laundry and haul it down to Eufaula and spend my morning at the Laundromat. Despite the fact that the entire facility is used for cleaning clothing with pleasant smelling laundry detergent there is an underlying smell that can only be described as "walking downwind of a dumpster" smell. This is the place where most of my Interesting Eufaula Encounters occur (IEE's). For some reason it seems that I am a conversation magnet when I am at the Laundromat. Most conversations start out with "Where are you from?" I'm convinced the people in this town have a 6th sense for "outsiders". Needless to say, its creepy. 

4. The Eufaula Fitness & Aerobic Center: Words can't adequately describe this gym. I spent 2 years at UT working at a multi-million dollar gym on campus that makes the Eufaula Fitness Center look like Galveston Island after Hurricane Ike. The fitness center visually stuns its patrons with green carpet, fake wood paneled walls and cardio equipment from the Reagan Era. Don't be fooled though, the fitness center has its high points. You pay month to month (no one year contract), it's NEVER crowded, and the shower is remarkably clean (although I do wonder if that is due to the fact that it has probably never been used by anyone...ever). 

5. Wal-Mart: Are you surprised? Of course not, it's Smalltown, USA, so naturally (in an effort to fit in) I go to Wal-Mart. Need more khaki colored socks? Wal-Mart. Lost my Chapstick? Wal-Mart. Want a magazine to read at the Laundromat so people won't try to talk to me? Wal-Mart. Oh and if anyone is still having trouble finding a Nintendo Wii, I'm pretty sure this Wal-Mart still has a bunch from their original shipment. 

So there you have it. The large majority of my stories will take place at one or more of these locations. In fact, I'm running low on clean socks so it's either Wal-Mart or the Laundromat...

Today is day 52

Here's everything you need to know about me...

I come from a family of scientists. My parents are the two smartest people I have ever met, my sister is a rocket scientist and my brother is pursuing a degree in microbiology (or something along those lines). And then there's me, a social butterfly with a degree in the largest major (Government), from the largest school (Liberal Arts), from the largest University (UT Austin) in the largest state in the continental United States (Texas). I graduated in May and this is my life now. 

I'm living with/off my boyfriend of over a year, Nick. Nick is living every college graduates dream, he got offered a great job straight out of college with a salary that us Liberal Arts kids only dream about. There's good news and bad news about this job. The bad news, it's in Eufaula Alabama, the good news, he only has to work here for 1 year. Only 365 days...today is day 52. Now not everyone would share my sentiment about Eufaula, AL. It's a cute little town with a lake and that wonderful "small town" feel to it. However, for a 22 year old recent college grad from Austin, TX, it is the stuff nightmares are made of. No mall, no movie theater, the grocery store is called Piggly Wiggly, and every man over the age of 50 calls me "Sugar". Its for these reasons (and a few more) that we decided to live in a neighboring town with a population of about 200,000. The downside...it's an hour away. That means a 1 hour commute each day at 7:15 am and about 3 tanks of a gas a week. 

It's easily the craziest thing I have ever done in my life. It is also the best decision I've ever made. I have learned more about myself, life and love in these past few weeks than I have ever learned before. 

This blog is about my experiences adjusting to small town life, living with Nick, and surviving without my parents checkbook.