I'm Back

...and I mean that in more ways than one.

Quite a lot has been going on with me over the past few months. I quit my job, left Eufaula (cue the choir), and moved back home, to Houston. So I'm kinda back to where I started when this blog began, unemployed and living in a strange city. Funny how life works out, huh? Technically I've called this city 'home' for over a decade, but the last half of those years I spent the majority of my time in Austin so I never really go to experience everything that Houston had to offer. But now I'm back, I'm an adult, and I would like to get to know you a little better Houston. Let's go out for some drinks.

Before I just jump back into it, I feel like I owe everyone an apology for falling off the face of the Earth and abandoning my blogging duties. Trust me, I have plenty of stories to tell, but at the time I didn't feel like it was appropriate to write about my work or my coworkers. I developed real friendships with the people of Eufaula and in a strange way I think the town will always have a fond place in my heart. But enough of the mushy stuff, let's reminisce shall we?

I guess I should tell you what my job in Eufaula was in the first place. I worked as the Secretary for the Eufaula Country Club. Snazzy, I know. Like I said before, definitely not a resume booster, but it kept me busy and put a little (and I mean little) green in my bank account. As the Secretary, I interacted with employees and members of the club on a constant basis. I'm sure you are starting to get an idea where the majority of my stories will be coming from. I just want to briefly touch on a special moment that happened on my last day of work. I spent my last day saying good-bye to all the people that I had developed friendships with over the year, all of my co-workers and a good handful of members. A lot of people stopped by my office to say good-bye, wish me luck and have one last conversation before I left. One conversation in particular stuck out to me and I will probably never forget it, because it is burned into my memory forever.

I'm sitting at my desk when V and B come in to say good-bye. They came into my office many times during my reign at ECC so I had developed a nice relationship with both of them. The conversation starts out like most did that day, "we're going to miss you" "you were so enjoyable to have around the office" etc etc. Then we start making small talk and I start asking questions about their family and the conversation turns to V's daughter who is expecting a child sometime next year. For some reason we start talking about V's daughter's husband and here is where the conversation takes a turn for the worse. Apparently V doesn't have such a great relationship with this guy and to illustrate her point she tells me this...

"He is the type of person that you could shoot, bury in the woods and then not ever think about him again for the rest of your life"

What???

I'm sorry, I don't think I've ever met that type of person before. So are you saying he has a forgetful face, or are you actually saying what I think you are saying?

Pretty sure I knew what she was saying and I'm not even joking when I say that my fight or flight instinct kicked in and I started gauging the distance to the nearest exit. BECAUSE WHO SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Weren't we just talking about how much all of you people are going to miss me? Let's go back to that.

So I did what any good Secretary would do. Smile a nod until they leave.

I'm sure everyone has a good "last day of work" story, but I'm just going to go ahead and call Trump Card on mine.

A Safe Working Enviornment

Today my boss was rushing in the office because she had to head up to the local High School for a presentation. On her way out she mentioned that she was going to have to take her gun out of her car because she didn't think weapons were allowed on campus.

I don't think she was joking...

Overheard in Eufaula

Me: Did you hear about the woman in California who gave birth to Octuplets this week? Can you imagine having 8 babies??

Anonymous Co-worker: Wow that's a lot of kids. If she had that many again she would have 19! That's enough for a football team.

Me: uhhh

AC: Wait...not 19...18...er...17. Well that's still enough for a baseball of football team.

Me: *smile & nod*

He almost had it. At least he has his sports knowledge to fall back on.

Just In Time For Christmas

This is my desk at work. Notice anything odd about it? 

No? How about now?

For those of you who are horticulturally challenged the green stuff that is precariously hanging above my desk is Mistletoe. I didn't notice it at first because there was also a cluster scotch taped to the doorway leading into the office. I can only assume that this was done in an attempt to throw me off and keep my attention away from the Mistletoe above my desk. Unfortunately, the plan worked and I didn't realize I was sitting under a cluster of sexual harassment plant until it was too late. "Too late", meaning the only guy who works in the office snuck up behind me and kissed me on the top of my head while I was checking my e-mail. Despite being completely freaked out, I found myself feeling a little smug since I hadn't washed my hair that day (or possibly even the day before) and I figure the experience was probably just as unpleasant for him as it was for me. 

Needless to say the Mistletoe promptly found its way to the garbage can and hasn't been back since. I'm just grateful that I'm not going to be anywhere near Eufaula on New Years Eve.

Spotted In Eufaula

You know the saying "Stranger things have happened"? That saying does not apply to anything that happens within the city limits of Eufaula, AL.

Today I saw something that I will never forget, and probably never see again.

I had just left work and was driving to pick Nick up for lunch. To get to the main highway from my work I have to drive through a very residential area for a few miles. Many of the houses that I drive by are beautiful antebellum mansions that have large front yards. Something about one of these houses caught my attention today. In the front yard of one of the houses there was a man crouched down, wearing a large leather glove on his right arm, with a GIANT BIRD perched atop his forearm. And I'm not talking about a Dove or a Pigeon or even a Crow, I'm talking about a Falcon or a Hawk. To illustrate my point this is a similar sized bird.

I have so many questions, like...
Why did that man have such a large bird? In his front yard? In a residential neighborhood? And why was Animal Planet not filming it??


I have a feeling I may never know, and I probably don't want to.

What's for Lunch?

One of the things that is just inherently different about this town than other (larger) towns is that everyone takes an hour lunch break. And I mean everyone. Between 11am and noon the entire town just shuts down while people take their lunch break. I was even told by a mechanic once to NOT bring my car in from 11-noon because no one would be there. Well, since everyone else leaves for lunch, Nick insists that we do the same thing. I guess he just wants to fit in with the cool kids. 

Surprisingly this is what I've been having a hard time adjusting to in Eufaula. It's not the hour long commute, or the new job (and its borderline minimum wage), or the people. It's the food. First of all, the options are extremely limited, there are probably a total of 20 restaurants in Eufaula, half of which are Fast Food joints. Second there seems to be a monopoly on any restaurant that serves any cuisine other than American. For example...

No. 1 Chinese Buffet

Aptly named, considering it is the only Chinese restaurant in Eufaula. They shamelessly display their "Readers Choice, Best Chinese Restaurant in Eufaula" Award from the Eufaula Tribune on the wall behind the cash register. This Chinese restaurant not only offers a full buffet, but it also has a menu with like 800 items on it. How they keep their kitchen fully stocked with all the ingredients for these different dishes I REALLY don't want to know. I also don't want to know how long that crab puff has been sitting out.

Old Mexico

Unless you count Taco Bell, this is the only "Mexican" restaurant in Eufaula, and I use the term "Mexican" loosely. The fajitas at Chili's are more authentic than the fajitas at Old Mexico. When you order "queso" at a Mexican restaurant in Austin you get a bowl of delicious golden cheese perfectly blended with peppers and tomatoes and piping hot. When you order "queso" in Eufaula you get what looks like a bowl of thick milk. It's just melted white cheddar, no peppers, no tomatoes, no deliciousness. I'm working on a theory about how the quality of Mexican food can be directly related to the distance from the Mexican border. Mexican food in Austin = amazing, flavorful, unique and f-ing delicious. Mexican food in Alabama/Georgia = terrible, bland, predictable and there are not enough margaritas in any establishment to change my mind about that. The Taco Bell's in Austin are even better. How is that possible, you ask? 3 words, Cheesy Gordita Crunch, the best (and only good) item on the Taco Bell menu. And as if I'm not being punished enough already, someone decided that the Taco Bell's in Alabama AND Georgia are not going to serve these delicious treats. Do they have every single ingredient for one sitting in the back of their kitchen? Yes. Will they make me one? NO!

Phil's Bar B-Que

Their slogan? "Best Butts in Town". Well hell, if that doesn't make you want to eat there then I don't know what would. I can't even begin the comparisons between this place and the Bar B-Que in Texas. However, compared to "Old Mexico" it's pretty good, but it could be better if it had one thing...Macaroni and Cheese. Do NOT confuse this with Macaroni Salad, I don't want that cold, stinky, mayonnaise or mustard covered crap on my plate. If I'm eating ribs or brisket or even chicken all I want is some Mac n' Cheese to go with it. 

Cajun Corner

Or I should say "Pagin' the Doctor Corner". The food served at this restaurant is so bad for you that it puts McDonald's to shame. I'm not sure who is in charge of portion control at the Cajun Corner, but my Blackened Chicken Alfredo does not need a pound of butter melted over it. Also, why is my pre-dinner bread sitting in a pool of butter and Cajun seasoning? And when did butter become the  number one ingredient in Buttermilk Ranch dressing? The chef at this restaurant needs a crash course in "Cholesterol 101". 

River City Grill

Without a doubt, this is the best restaurant in Eufaula. I'm am slightly surprised that it even exists. Today for lunch I had a salad with blackened Salmon, cranberries, candied pecans and a  balsamic vinaigrette that was made from scratch. Nick had a Cajun penne pasta with andouille sausage and chicken and a cup of creamy potato and ham soup. Both were delicious. They also bring you freshly baked rolls with a homemade cinnamon butter. We've been served by the same waitress so many times that she has started callus us "her regulars". 

Joe's Food Factory

Joe's has a buffet-style lunch where you can choose 1 meat and 3 sides or 1 meat, 2 sides and a dessert for about $8. The way that it works is you tell the person behind the counter what items you want and they load a plate up for you. Last time we went I chose the 1 meat and 3 sides option and as the cashier was ringing us up she looked at my plate, then looked at me and said "Gurl, you can eat!". I wasn't really sure how to respond to that comment so I just said "Thank You?" and sat down at our table. 

This is the other place where we find ourselves becoming "regulars". Tuesday's is our favorite day to go because they have some of our favorite items on the menu. When we walk in a waitress will take our drink orders and set a table for us while we get our food at the main counter. It has gotten to the point that when the waitress  sees us walk in she automatically gets 2 glasses of water and sets a table up for us in the corner by the window. Kinda creepy, kinda cool. 

Tonight is going to be interesting. Not only are Nick and I going to a new restaurant in Eufaula for dinner, we will be joined by 20 or so of his coworkers. We are going to The Creek Restaurant and Lounge which is about 5 minutes south of town. I've been told by my boss that I will leave the restaurant smelling like cigarettes and grease. It sounds delightful. 

What Really Grinds My Gears

You know what REALLY grinds my gears?

Littering.

And Holy Mother of Jesus people do it around here a lot. I didn't notice it at first because you almost never see someone litter, you just see the repercussion of it along the side of the road. The littering pandemic in Eufaula was brought to my attention about 2 weeks ago. It was a Friday and I had just turned off the main Highway and was heading to pick up Nick for lunch. I noticed a crew of about 4 guys, in those horrid Oklahoma State (boooo) colored vests, picking up trash along the side of the road. When I came back after lunch they had finished picking up the trash and were mowing the grass along the side of the road. I noticed how nice the grass looked, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why I thought it looked so good. As soon as we turned down that road on Monday I figured it out. There was trash EVERYWHERE. It was like the crew hadn't even been there, the sheer amount of trash that had accumulated over the weekend was astounding. There were beer cans, soda bottles, fast food bags and even full bags of trash. Ever since then, every time I drive down that mile and a half stretch of road I am just blown away by the amount of trash that people are throwing out of their car, and it really, really grinds me gears. 

Yesterday I witnessed a blatant act of littering for the first time. I had just dropped Nick off at work and the guy in front of me threw a coffee cup out his window. Can you guess what kind of vehicle he was driving? A Barbour County Garbage Truck. Yep, the garbage man was littering. If he hadn't turned off the road I was going to pull up next to him at the light, look him straight in the eye, point at him, mouth the words "you suck" and then give him the thumbs down. It wasn't a great plan, and it would probably just either confuse the garbage man, or make him laugh. But, that started me thinking about what I would actually do if I saw someone littering again. A simple thumbs down or even the middle finger probably wouldn't get the message through to them, so I had to come up with something a little more creative. And this is what I came up with...

The next time I see someone blatantly littering I am going to take note of their car and license plate number, pull over, pick up their trash, hunt down their car and throw the trash on top of their car (if they leave their windows down then you can bet your ass I'm throwing it inside their car). I will also be leaving a note that say " Littering: Disgusting, isn't it?".

It's a perfect plan because

A. It's not illegal (I'm just a concerned citizen returning an item that I saw that person drop)

B. The person littering will most likely NEVER forget the message.

C. They will tell everyone they know what happened and soon the entire community will be scared to litter because they don't want a fried chicken bucket to be thrown in their front seat. 

I've already told Nick about this plan and he was only slightly amused, and mostly horrified that I might will go through with this, if given the opportunity. He said he's not sure what is more creepy about my plan, having trash you threw out of your window 3 miles down the road show up on your hood at the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, or the psychotic note that you would find stuck to your windshield. It's probably both.